Uuugh! What the flipping hell. I feel like I am in one of the most misunderstood times of my life. Regardless of being 18 years of age, which may seem young in the eyes of others I feel like an adult. Yet I am not often treated like one. Especially by my own parents. It is one of the most frustrating things I continue to endure. All I ever try to do is prove my maturity level and how responsible I am but for some odd reason it never seems to reside with them that I am becoming an adult.
I recognize that I probably shouldn't be in such a rush to grow up but because of the things I've faced through out my life time I can't help but think that I was unwillingly forced to mature mentally very early on. I don't see it appropriate to go into much detail on the subject but a lot of the challenges my younger sister, our parents and I had to face allowed for us to grow up quickly without choice. Like my dad would say, we had to deal with "grown-up stuff". I guess that might be a subconscious reason as to why I just want full independence already. I don't even know if that makes any real sense but life is confusing. Wallowing in my own thoughts about why people do the things they do, and what it's all suppose to mean can really drive me insane. Being alone can account for that too. Sorry... I digress, but back to my issue with growing up... All I want is to be appreciated for my maturity and rationality. It takes a lot. Not that I'm unhappy and don't like to be this way, because I am. And I do. It would just be nice to have adults recognize that not all young adults or adolescents are unintelligible and reckless because I know that I am anything but that. I am also confident that there are various other like me in the same position.
Friday 8 February 2013
Sunday 3 February 2013
My Perfectly Blossoming Confidant AKA My Sister
Words barely express the adoration and appreciation I have for my beloved sister Tanarah Dove. She is my best friend, my closest companion, my favorite person on planet earth and I adore every little thing about her and her annoying ways. I can confidently say that I have absolutely no clue as to where I would be or what I would be in this world if she wasn't apart of my life because she is my life. Well, at least a very large part of it.
The pictures displayed below this post are probably not the best photographs to use in depiction of our relationship but hey, I think they will suffice.
In these photos you may not be able to see much of a resemblance but in person we never seize to go a day without being asked if we are twins. Yeah. It happens daily! Seeing as we are almost always together. I'm not exactly sure why this is so unanimous among people though.. because as you may already be able to tell, she is much more beautiful than I am. Honestly, she is absolutely stunning. I can not tell a lie. Come to think of it, this could also be a subconscious reason as to why I love her so much. Hmm... this very well could be the case.
Anyways, although we "appear" to look a lot a like; based on our height, physic, the way we walk, our closeness even in the way we communicate, we are extremely different people. Our personalities are almost polar opposites as Tanarah is more of the "loud mouth" and seems to be the extroverted type and I appear to be more reserved and introverted. Although this is usually the case, it seems that with complete strangers we tend to switch places. Weird right? Yeah, very weird. And that's one thing I'd saywe also have in common; our weirdness. Well, I honestly believe that we're a weird pair. We laugh uncontrollably at almost everything, we say and do the weirdest things and that is also what makes us so close; our ability to forget the rest and just have fun, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
I often talk about having a never ending abundance of bad luck (as my life seems to be a never ending series of unfortunate events) but I am 100 % certain that when it comes to Tanarah, luck was completely on my side the day she was conceived. I could not have asked to share the same blood with anyone better than my year younger blossoming confidant.
I know that there are a plethora of people around the world with sisters close in age to them as well and God bless them. All siblings truly are a blessings. The point I am trying to make in writing this blog is that with the luck and life I have, I would have never expected to be in such a fortunate position to receive a sister as perfect as mine. I adore her with everything in me.
I really don't think Tanarah would ever take the time out to write something so completely time consuming and cheesy in my favor just for the sake of expressing her love for her big sister but I'm alright with that... because I know I will always love her more than she'll ever love me and that is just enough for me.
I LOVE YOU TANY-NEE! XOX
The pictures displayed below this post are probably not the best photographs to use in depiction of our relationship but hey, I think they will suffice.
In these photos you may not be able to see much of a resemblance but in person we never seize to go a day without being asked if we are twins. Yeah. It happens daily! Seeing as we are almost always together. I'm not exactly sure why this is so unanimous among people though.. because as you may already be able to tell, she is much more beautiful than I am. Honestly, she is absolutely stunning. I can not tell a lie. Come to think of it, this could also be a subconscious reason as to why I love her so much. Hmm... this very well could be the case.
Anyways, although we "appear" to look a lot a like; based on our height, physic, the way we walk, our closeness even in the way we communicate, we are extremely different people. Our personalities are almost polar opposites as Tanarah is more of the "loud mouth" and seems to be the extroverted type and I appear to be more reserved and introverted. Although this is usually the case, it seems that with complete strangers we tend to switch places. Weird right? Yeah, very weird. And that's one thing I'd saywe also have in common; our weirdness. Well, I honestly believe that we're a weird pair. We laugh uncontrollably at almost everything, we say and do the weirdest things and that is also what makes us so close; our ability to forget the rest and just have fun, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
I often talk about having a never ending abundance of bad luck (as my life seems to be a never ending series of unfortunate events) but I am 100 % certain that when it comes to Tanarah, luck was completely on my side the day she was conceived. I could not have asked to share the same blood with anyone better than my year younger blossoming confidant.
I know that there are a plethora of people around the world with sisters close in age to them as well and God bless them. All siblings truly are a blessings. The point I am trying to make in writing this blog is that with the luck and life I have, I would have never expected to be in such a fortunate position to receive a sister as perfect as mine. I adore her with everything in me.
I really don't think Tanarah would ever take the time out to write something so completely time consuming and cheesy in my favor just for the sake of expressing her love for her big sister but I'm alright with that... because I know I will always love her more than she'll ever love me and that is just enough for me.
I LOVE YOU TANY-NEE! XOX
Saturday 2 February 2013
A True Virgonian
This undying feeling that occupies me; body, mind and spirit I remain unsure. Unsure about almost everything, especially when it comes to my future. There is no doubt in me that at my age, there are many others that face a similar reality. One could describe this course in ones life as very grey, unclear, and confusing; three adjectives I absolutely hate to use in description of my life. They say "hate" is a strong word but I wouldn't even say the term suffice. "Hate" I don't even think satisfies the description I wish to give the way I feel in this predicament. It is a feeling much stronger than that.
It is very much a part of my character to worry. Being a Virgo (born September 16th) could account for that fact. Not to mention, my mother as well. My constant tendency to over analyze almost any and every situation I encounter I am sure continues to destroy me. Many have told me I present myself to be very calm, nonchalant, even blase some might add. But inside, my thoughts and dreams remain very overly enthralled. I have a very particular and scheduled mind set and I keep to myself. To be truthful, these thoughts I have about every little task I need to get done within a certain time period consume me and make me miserable. I frequently become irritated by this feeling of misery. It is very often that I reach my boiling point and give up easily. I like to believe that my inability to persevere is somewhat what of a coping mechanism I use in dealing with unpleasant emotions. It's not something I'm proud of.
One thing I've also noticed about myself is I like to rush through things. "Like" probably isn't the right word to use in description of my feelings, but you would think it would be because I tend to rush through everything. I rush through work, through everyday tasks, even as I write this blog I'm rushing like I have something better to do. I am oblivious to the actual material world because of this and also because I stay so reserved.
I still remain miserably unsure and worried about a lot of things. Even saying this makes me feel submissive because I almost hate to admit that I feel this way. All I've ever done is avoid displaying my emotions. I find them unpleasant and feeling unsure is the most frustrating of them all. I want to be sure, I want a plan, I want answers. That I don't have any continues to bother the living hell out of me. The only thing I remain sure about is me and who I am. My blog title: A True Virgo & Proud Young Woman I undeniably believe are words that best describe me as an individual. Even though I am sure about myself, I'm not sure that I am proud of every one of my tendencies, traits, qualities and my overall character. However the couple things I am proud of collectively display themselves in my blog title.
I spend a lot of time working on being a better version of myself. To be truthful, even that bothers me as I want to be a selfless being and put others first. My faith gives me reason to believe that it is our purpose in life to put others before our selves.
I want to say that I've found it most effective for myself to leave my troubles, doubts and struggles with my faith in God. I truly believe he has guided me through EVERYTHING I deal with on a daily basis. Through prayer and faith I've found myself most joyful. I am 100 % sure that God listens to my every word and I truly believe I can fully rely on him for any and every challenge I face. My faith is bringing me closer to true contentment, and I want more. I want more of God. That is one thing I am completely sure of.
It is very much a part of my character to worry. Being a Virgo (born September 16th) could account for that fact. Not to mention, my mother as well. My constant tendency to over analyze almost any and every situation I encounter I am sure continues to destroy me. Many have told me I present myself to be very calm, nonchalant, even blase some might add. But inside, my thoughts and dreams remain very overly enthralled. I have a very particular and scheduled mind set and I keep to myself. To be truthful, these thoughts I have about every little task I need to get done within a certain time period consume me and make me miserable. I frequently become irritated by this feeling of misery. It is very often that I reach my boiling point and give up easily. I like to believe that my inability to persevere is somewhat what of a coping mechanism I use in dealing with unpleasant emotions. It's not something I'm proud of.
One thing I've also noticed about myself is I like to rush through things. "Like" probably isn't the right word to use in description of my feelings, but you would think it would be because I tend to rush through everything. I rush through work, through everyday tasks, even as I write this blog I'm rushing like I have something better to do. I am oblivious to the actual material world because of this and also because I stay so reserved.
I still remain miserably unsure and worried about a lot of things. Even saying this makes me feel submissive because I almost hate to admit that I feel this way. All I've ever done is avoid displaying my emotions. I find them unpleasant and feeling unsure is the most frustrating of them all. I want to be sure, I want a plan, I want answers. That I don't have any continues to bother the living hell out of me. The only thing I remain sure about is me and who I am. My blog title: A True Virgo & Proud Young Woman I undeniably believe are words that best describe me as an individual. Even though I am sure about myself, I'm not sure that I am proud of every one of my tendencies, traits, qualities and my overall character. However the couple things I am proud of collectively display themselves in my blog title.
I spend a lot of time working on being a better version of myself. To be truthful, even that bothers me as I want to be a selfless being and put others first. My faith gives me reason to believe that it is our purpose in life to put others before our selves.
I want to say that I've found it most effective for myself to leave my troubles, doubts and struggles with my faith in God. I truly believe he has guided me through EVERYTHING I deal with on a daily basis. Through prayer and faith I've found myself most joyful. I am 100 % sure that God listens to my every word and I truly believe I can fully rely on him for any and every challenge I face. My faith is bringing me closer to true contentment, and I want more. I want more of God. That is one thing I am completely sure of.
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