A True Virgonian

This undying feeling that occupies me; body, mind and spirit I remain unsure. Unsure about almost everything, especially when it comes to my future. There is no doubt in me that at my age, there are many others that face a similar reality. One could describe this course in ones life as very grey, unclear, and confusing; three adjectives I absolutely hate to use in description of my life. They say "hate" is a strong word but I wouldn't even say the term suffice. "Hate" I don't even think satisfies the description I wish to give the way I feel in this predicament. It is a feeling much stronger than that.

It is very much a part of my character to worry. Being a Virgo (born September 16th) could account for that fact. Not to mention, my mother as well. My constant tendency to over analyze almost any and every situation I encounter I am sure continues to destroy me. Many have told me I present myself to be very calm, nonchalant, even blase some might add. But inside, my thoughts and dreams remain very overly enthralled. I have a very particular and scheduled mind set and I keep to myself.  To be truthful, these thoughts I have about every little task I need to get done within a certain time period consume me and make me miserable. I frequently become irritated by this feeling of misery. It is very often that I reach my boiling point and give up easily. I like to believe that my inability to persevere is somewhat what of a coping mechanism I use in dealing with unpleasant emotions. It's not something I'm proud of.
One thing I've also noticed about myself is I like to rush through things. "Like" probably isn't the right word to use in description of my feelings, but you would think it would be because I tend to rush through everything. I rush through work, through everyday tasks, even as I write this blog I'm rushing like I have something better to do. I am oblivious to the actual material world because of this and also because I stay so reserved.

I still remain miserably unsure and worried about a lot of things. Even saying this makes me feel submissive because I almost hate to admit that I feel this way. All I've ever done is avoid displaying my emotions. I find them unpleasant and feeling unsure is the most frustrating of them all. I want to be sure, I want a plan, I want answers. That I don't have any continues to bother the living hell out of me. The only thing I remain sure about is me and who I am. My blog title: A True Virgo & Proud Young Woman I undeniably believe are words that best describe me as an individual.  Even though I am sure about myself, I'm not sure that I am proud of every one of my tendencies, traits, qualities and my overall character. However the couple things I am proud of collectively display themselves in my blog title.

I spend a lot of time working on being a better version of myself. To be truthful, even that bothers me as I want to be a selfless being and put others first. My faith gives me reason to believe that it is our purpose in life to put others before our selves.
I want to say that I've found it most effective for myself to leave my troubles, doubts and struggles with my faith in God. I truly believe he has guided me through EVERYTHING I deal with on a daily basis. Through prayer and faith I've found myself most joyful. I am 100 % sure that God listens to my every word and I truly believe I can fully rely on him for any and every challenge I face. My faith is bringing me closer to true contentment, and I want more. I want more of God. That is one thing I am completely sure of.